Hello! This is the first official post to the new blog I am creating specifically to journal my thoughts about my family and about life since my husband's death in April of this year. I am sure that some posts may be more positive and some may be negative; I am living in the reality that either one of those is "okay" for me at this time. Most days I choose to be positive. I am a Christian and I believe that God is sovereign and that He is in control of my life. There is nothing that has taken Him by surprise. I believe that he has been preparing me for the road I am on for a long time, I just did not know it. But God knew; He knew before anything happened, He knew as events were taking place, and he knows all about my today and my tomorrows.

As I was deciding to begin this new blog, I came across another blog that I had started back in 2008, more for my own journal experience than anything else. I found one of the posts that I had written then that just confirmed what I just wrote in the paragraph above this one. God has been preparing my heart for what I would endure and how I would respond to my circumstances. I want to share with you what He was showing me in 2008 that I blogged then.

From September, 2008:

Recently, there have been circumstances in the lives of some of my friends that have caused me to reflect on how important it is to determine ahead of time how we should react to trials in our lives. I know that in our own strength, we cannot know how we will react, but I also know that in the strength of the Lord there is nothing that we cannot face.

One friend has lost dear loved ones in recent days, both to cancer and to tragic accident. Another is facing the loss of her father's recognition because of Alzheimer's. I can think of three people who have lost young children in the past four months, and one who knows the chances of her unborn child surviving are 50/50 in the view of the doctors.

In all of these circumstances, God is showing Himself faithful. Faithful to bring healing and comfort to broken hearts. Faithful to provide support from friends and relatives, and in a few of these cases, support from people who have never even met the families involved, because of blogs like this one. The people going through these trials have said that the love and support of the people and the encouraging words letting them know that they are covered in prayer is what is keeping them going when the times are tough. The have a faith that they want to be firm, not shaken. I think that is a kind of faith that needs to be nurtured BEFORE the trial in order to benefit during the trial. Maybe I am wrong, but that is what I conclude.

"Lord, please give me the faith to stand with you no matter what the trial I am facing. Please give me reminders as I go about my daily business, letting me take time to pray for these people who are relying on the prayer and support of others to strengthen them and keep them close to You during their trials. Let the world see that they will praise you and not curse you as they deal with what seems "not fair" and leaves them aching and lonely for their loved ones. Bless them Lord with an intimacy with You that can only come from a desperate need for You."

I was reading a book this week that I thought made such a good point. So many times Christians don't pray because we are not desperate for God. We don't NEED him in our heads, or our hearts. He is just there as a convenience. How sad is that? May we come to see our desperate need for Him everyday!!!

Isn't it amazing how even though I was unaware that God was preparing my heart, He was doing a work in me? That is just one example of how He has shown Himself to be there for me even before my husband's death. I will try to share some of those in future posts. I hope to be of help and encouragement to other widows as well as my friends and family, as I continue to grow along this new path that God is leading me down. The path is not an easy one; it is full of rocks, underground roots, and bushes with thorns. But oddly enough, that is only if I look down as I travel. If I look up instead, I see the blue sky and sometimes a rainbow after the storm. Walk with me and maybe we will all learn something together.


Edit: Somehow this didn't publish when I first thought it did so I am publishing it today. It was really the first post on this blog though.