This past Thursday at 9:07 pm, in the
midst of a raging storm, I received a phone call from my oldest son,
telling me that his car had just hydroplaned off of the interstate and
down an embankment. He said that he was okay and that he had not
collided with anything. He "somehow" missed the metal railings that were
all around AND the trees that were scattered on the way down.
Visibility was less than 3/4 of a mile. I remained calm and told him to
just sit tight and I would call 911 so that the police would know where
to find him. I called and they put me in touch with the state police,
who took his phone number and said they would be on the way and would
call him to let him know. I then called my oldest daughter, who lives
near where he went off the road, and asked her to pray. While I was on
the phone with her, at 9:16 pm, my son rang through again. This time,
his voice sounded panicked, as he
told me that his car was filling with water and he didn't know what to
do. I didn't know if he was in rushing water or what? I told him to sit
tight and the police should be almost there. He said they had called but
reiterated that the car was quickly filling with water! At this point,
he sounded so scared and I began to panic, too! All I could picture was
him struggling to get the door open if he waited much longer. I told him
to get out of the car but to hold on tight and not let go! We hung up
and I got back on the line with my daughter. She said they were on their
way to him and she would call when they got there. At this point, I not
only felt panicked; I fell apart. You see, my mind was taking into
account that last year, on April 20th, 2012, at 9:10 am I received
another phone call that lasted only 11 minutes; but that phone call
changed my life and the lives of my children, forever. Both times I
tried to remain calm on the phone, but the difference is that last time,
I was focused on getting emergency help to my husband, not knowing that
conversation would be our last. This time I realized that another
cherished life might be taken from my family even though I was calling
for help for him, and I could feel my whole body begin to shut down. My
younger son was physically holding me up as I sank to the floor, crying
out to the Lord for mercy to save my other son's life! This is the same
son who heard the earlier panicked conversation with his dad, a year
ago. Normally, I would have tried to hold my emotions in a little so as
not to traumatize him more; at this moment all I could think about was
my son who was in danger! I was once again in a helpless state,
wondering if I would see a loved one alive again. It just felt like too
much to contemplate that I might not again on this earth!
To
make a long story shorter, my son did get out of the car and held on
for almost ten minutes in the stormy weather until the police arrived.
They put him into the dry squad car and filled out all the paperwork. My
daughter and son-in-love arrived just after the police did, and called
to let me know that they were seeing that he was physically. The car was
submerged in water and a tow truck was coming to wench it out. I
truthfully could not have cared less about the car; I only cared that my
son was alive and okay. My daughter and s-i-l headed back home,
thinking that the tow truck would be bringing my son either to my house
or their house; but just as they arrived home my son texted to see if
they could pick him up, so they headed back out in the awful weather to
get him, keeping me updated as they went along. I breathed a sigh of
relief once they were all safely back at home, and I know they did as
well.
What
keeps swirling through my head, now that it is all over, is the running
conversation that I was having with the Lord at the time of my panic
after hearing that the water was rising on my son in the car. It was a
one-sided conversation, but it was audible on my part. I was saying,
"Lord, I don't think I can do this again! Lord, I want to trust; I will
trust! I know that you know best. I know that you are in control! But
Lord, I am having a hard time trusting! The last time I trusted, my
husband died! I know you were in control then and that you are in
control now. I didn't understand then, and I know I won't understand now
if something happens to my son,; but Lord, please help me to trust,
even if you choose to take my child! Please, let him be trusting in You!
Don't let him be scared! Let him be more calm than I am right now!
Lord, please just save my son! You are my Rock and my Salvation, an ever-present
Help in times of trouble." Looking back on that conversation, I see how
important it is that I continue to tell myself the Truth of God's Word
every day. WHEN trials come, especially trials that happen in an
instant, it is important to have a solid foundation of Truth to pull
from. This has been the case for me in both instances since last year.
It is easy to listen to fear and to give into panic, unless you have the
calming presence of the Lord to fall into instead. Was I panicked? Yes,
but only in the way that any mother would be when her son's life is in
danger. Was I calmed? Yes, because I knew that ultimately, God had my
son's life in his hand and He would hold him no matter what the outcome.
God has taught me many things since April of 2012, and one of the most important of those is that the "peace
that passes all understanding" is real. There is no explanation for the
peace that I have in the midst of my husband's death and the grief that
I feel daily. There is no explanation for the peace that I had even in
the midst of the panic on Thursday. It is not a peace that "I" have ever
experienced before those times, and I know that it is only because the
Holy Spirit was there as a Helper when I needed Him just to be able to
breathe. So, was my faith wavering when I was having to TELL myself to
trust on Thursday? NO! My faith is firm, grounded on the Rock, and I
will not be moved. Firmness doesn't mean no testing, or no fear; it just
means that I won't be consumed by either of those. In my flesh, I was
panicking because I am a fixer; this was something I could not fix. I am
a mother; I could not get to my son. It was one more evidence of the
lesson I have learned, that I am not really in control of anything,
whether good or bad. And that is not bad! It is actually a comforting
thought! My spirit was comforted though my flesh was panicked. That is
the nature of being a Christian on this earth.
I
was so glad when I finally got the chance to hold my son Friday
morning. I had to restrain myself from hovering...he is 21, after all.
But later I took an opportunity to kiss him on the forehead and claimed
the right to kiss it as many times as I wanted to; I am just thankful to
have the chance to do it again! I pray that this experience will be
something my son will never forget, using it as opportunity to be
grateful to the Lord for sparing his young life. I know that because of
what our family has been through he already realizes how quickly a life
can end; but I hope that this will also be a reminder him that his life
should be dedicated to pleasing the Lord. Any life that is not lived for
the Lord would be a worthless life, and I hope remembering God's mercy
will spur him to always choose to trust what the Bible says over any
lies that man would tell him, and to ask God to use his spared life to
bring others to Himself.
Thank you, God, for sparing my son!
