Six months ago tonight I was talking with my husband on the phone,
like we did every night when he had to travel. We had our prayer time
together and the last thing he prayed was "Lord, shine your light
through my family and shine your light through me".
Six
months ago tomorrow morning, our lives changed forever with the words
of a policeman, "I am sorry. The paramedics did everything they could
but they could not save your husband."
For the past six
months, God has shined his light through my family and through my
husband by showing how mighty He is to take care of us and to carry us
through our grieving journey. I cannot help but think of the fact that
neither one of us knew that night on the phone that what my husband
asked would come to pass as it has; but God did. Nothing that has
happened took Him by surprise. That is such a comforting thought to me
daily and I pray that it will comfort others who are going through
trials, no matter how big or small they might be.
I
cannot fully grasp the fact that my beloved has been gone from this
earth for six months...in some ways it seems like just yesterday and in
others it seems like it has been forever. I miss his smile. I miss being
held and squeezed and tickled by him. I miss hearing him laugh. I miss
seeing him with our beautiful children. I miss how he knew when to calm
me down when I let things get to me. I miss sharing everything with him
about our day-to-day lives. I miss dreaming about our future after the
kids are grown and gone from home. I just miss him...period. But if I am
thinking rightly, I wouldn't ask him to leave where he is to come back
here. I just look forward to being there, too. For now though, I have to
remain here and do the best I can to be what God would have me to be.
I
loved being married and I still consider myself a part of a couple. I
don't know that I ever will feel differently really, even though
technically "death did us part". My heart hasn't parted yet. It is still
yoked to my husband, for every day of our marriage and still for the
last six months.
