Life Can Change In An Instant

Six months ago tonight I was talking with my husband on the phone, like we did every night when he had to travel. We had our prayer time together and the last thing he prayed was "Lord, shine your light through my family and shine your light through me".

Six months ago tomorrow morning, our lives changed forever with the words of a policeman, "I am sorry. The paramedics did everything they could but they could not save your husband."

For the past six months, God has shined his light through my family and through my husband by showing how mighty He is to take care of us and to carry us through our grieving journey. I cannot help but think of the fact that neither one of us knew that night on the phone that what my husband asked would come to pass as it has; but God did. Nothing that has happened took Him by surprise. That is such a comforting thought to me daily and I pray that it will comfort others who are going through trials, no matter how big or small they might be.

I cannot fully grasp the fact that my beloved has been gone from this earth for six months...in some ways it seems like just yesterday and in others it seems like it has been forever. I miss his smile. I miss being held and squeezed and tickled by him. I miss hearing him laugh. I miss seeing him with our beautiful children. I miss how he knew when to calm me down when I let things get to me. I miss sharing everything with him about our day-to-day lives. I miss dreaming about our future after the kids are grown and gone from home. I just miss him...period. But if I am thinking rightly, I wouldn't ask him to leave where he is to come back here. I just look forward to being there, too. For now though, I have to remain here and do the best I can to be what God would have me to be.

I loved being married and I still consider myself a part of a couple. I don't know that I ever will feel differently really, even though technically "death did us part". My heart hasn't parted yet. It is still yoked to my husband, for every day of our marriage and still for the last six months.